


New vs. Old

by supernaturalandshiz



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Episode: s01e01 New World Order, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 08:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30136875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalandshiz/pseuds/supernaturalandshiz
Summary: The stranger had no right to be standing there, looking proud of himself. That shield had history etched into its very inner workings, and now someone was standing in front of a cheering crowd, befouling the very legend of Steve Rogers.OR, The announcement of a new Captain America brings a new set of emotion's Bucky's way.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	New vs. Old

Bucky never claimed that he was the best at dealing with emotions. Just because he had stated clearly that Steve was a forbidden topic in therapy sessions, didn’t mean he was in denial. Except that it kind of did.

He never let it sink in; always on the move, mind thrown into dinner with Yori and “unnecessary” therapy sessions. Maybe it made him a bad friend, but he couldn’t handle answering the mass of texts from Sam or even the one from Shuri, asking if he wanted her to look into an update for his (already high-tech) arm.

He never gave a thought to the friend - the last link to a life he once lived - whose casket he had carried mere weeks before, to a grave. The beautiful plaque which sat ahead of the muddy ground had been showered in flowers and tears, but Bucky had walked away, fists clenched in a calculated attempt to keep all the ugly feelings inside.

But sitting alone in his shitty apartment, (maybe he had spent too much time looking for one in Brooklyn) it clicked. The dull light of his cheap TV flickered in the small living room, mixing with what little light filtered in through the drawn curtains. 

The man standing on the podium was giving a crappy speech, one that reminded him oddly of Howard Stark, talking excitedly about his vibranium shield and how Steve was an American hero.

_ Unrest, in the wake of recent events, has left us vulnerable. Every day Americans feel it. While we love heroes who put their lives on the line to defend Earth, we also need a hero to defend this country. We need a real person who embodies America’s greatest values. _

Strangely enough, both of them were wrong. Steve was never just an  _ American hero _ . He fought for the underdogs, for the ones who couldn’t fight for themselves, Steve Roger’s fought for the  _ world _ and he wouldn’t rest until they were home and safe. So no, they didn’t need that type of hero. But the man continued.

_ We need someone to inspire us again, someone who can be a symbol for all of us. So, on behalf of the Department of Defense and our Commander-in-Chief, it is with great honor that we announce here today, that the United States of America has a new hero. _

_ Join me in welcoming your new Captain America. _

He froze as the man came out, filled with an inexplicable rage. He was holding the  _ real _ shield. The one that he knew for a fact belonged to Sam. The stranger had no  _ right _ to be standing there, looking proud of himself. 

That shield had history etched into its very inner workings, and now someone was standing in front of a cheering crowd, befouling the very legend of Steve Rogers. Of James Barnes. Of  _ Howard Stark. _

The imposter winked and Bucky’s hand shot out for the remote, turning the TV off and accidentally crushing the plastic under his metal arm in the process. He sat in silence for a moment before breaking out in real, gut-wrenching, sobs. He was familiar with anger, but this was different.

It took a while to get his thoughts back from ‘drowning in a sea of despair’ to ‘alright considering what has happened in my lifetime.’ He counted his breaths and - not wanting to deal with the sick feeling bubbling up from the depths of his heart - decided to use a coping mechanism that his physiatrist recommended. 

_ 5 things you can SEE.  _ The TV, screen black, and the source of his current turmoil. The make-shift bed, strewn out on the floor next to the couch. The scratchy couch itself. The curtains, frayed and worn. A single car, driving slowly down the one-way street below. 

_ 4 things you can TOUCH. _ He grasped for his left arm, the cold titanium stinging his palm. His hair, which he had just noticed already had a metal hand tangled in it, scalp burning slightly. The crushed remote still in his hand. His phone, sitting in his pocket.

Suddenly, he was overtaken by emotions again, a deep sense of loss because Steve was  _ really _ gone and there was no pulling him out of ice this time. The tears came again, and he hunched over his knees. Salty water dripped onto the floorboard and his head started to throb, brain chemicals mixing together in awful ways.

_ 3 things that you can HEAR. _ People talking in the apartments next to him, completely unaware of his predicament. The hum of the air conditioning kicking in. His own ragged breathing-

He stopped there completely, not caring enough to go through with the rest of the exercise. Instead, he dried his tears and tried to think logically.

His psychiatrist would probably say  _ codependency issues _ and  _ emotional attachment _ whereas he would say  _ fuck you _ and  _ god, the 40s were so much easier _ . He once again pushed away the nasty emotions that were banging at his ribcage and tearing at his heart and lungs and soul in favor of fishing for his phone.

He pulled up Sam’s contact. It took quite a few minutes to psych himself up to press the call button, but it was urgent. The fate of  _ Captain America _ loomed in balance, and the only person Bucky trusted to do Steve’s legacy justice was Sam Wilson.

The phone only rang twice before the other man’s voice filtered through the phone, “I saw.”

**Author's Note:**

> God, the first episode WRECKED me. I was so caught up in being angry at Steve for leaving that I kind of forgot that he was GONE. 
> 
> How do you guys feel? About the episode and the fic ;)


End file.
